By the end of June, we’d been told that I could get my nails done, but that my nails were going to be white.
I thought, I’m not going to look bad in my nails.
They’re going to remain white.
Then I looked at my nails, and they were black.
That’s when I realized my nails weren’t black.
I was looking at them in the mirror and thinking, my nails aren’t black, and that’s it.
I thought, what the fuck am I doing?
And I was embarrassed and I was devastated.
I was trying to be so self-effacing that I didn’t even think to ask what I should wear.
I felt like I was losing my mind and my identity as a human being.
My body was losing its meaning.
I had to go to a professional to get my fingernails done, and I didn and I still don’t know how.
I can’t even take my clothes off without feeling a sense of anxiety and shame.
It took a long time to get back to my feet.
And I went back to work and I did a lot of other things that weren’t really about nail art.
I went to the dentist and I got a dental procedure done that actually worked, and then I had surgery to correct my jawline.
And that’s when my life changed for the better.
I started to feel like a human again.
I started seeing my doctor again.
And they recommended a cosmetic surgery.
I got it done in about six weeks.
That was kind of my introduction to cosmetic surgery and I felt like my life had finally changed.
I’m still not completely comfortable with the way my nails are.
I’ve tried to wear a lot more of them than I used to, but I’m still wearing a lot.
But I feel like I’m losing my sense of who I am.
I feel as though I’m a part of my skin.
And the more I wear nail polish, the more that is covering up my skin, which is really embarrassing.
I have to wear nail pads now.
I’m like, “What am I wearing?”
And I’ve never worn nail pads before.
I never knew it was possible to wear them without feeling like a total slut.
I think that’s what made me lose my mind.
I needed to feel sexy and not like an ugly, ugly woman.
I didn’t feel comfortable wearing a nail polish when I was a teenager.
I’d wear my nails in the shower or on my face, and the other girls would look at me and think, Oh, she’s wearing nail paint.
I’d wear it with other people’s makeup, too.
It’s kind of like, I wear makeup for me, and you wear nail paint for me.
It felt weird.
But at the same time, I feel more confident when I’m with other women.
I am a better person because of it.
I don’t need a whole new wardrobe.
I have more confidence in myself.
I’ve been working on my hair, too, which I started last year and it has been really nice.
I just went in and did my best.
I shaved it a little bit, and it is a beautiful, beautiful hair.
I haven’t shaved since March.
I love it, though, and there’s a lot less hair to deal with.
I just love doing nail art for myself and being able to create a look for myself.
I want to do more of that for myself, but also for others.
I also feel like it helps me feel less lonely.
I get more of a sense that I’m part of a community and I don’s and don’ts.
And it also makes me feel more comfortable with who I was before I had these manicures.